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The DeBeers Class Action
Settlement
DeBeers Agrees to Pay $295 Million in Damages
"That's Million NOT Billion, Baby!"
(think Austin
Powers and do the math)
You might have heard about the
DeBeers Class
Action settlement by now.
DeBeers is the largest supplier of rough diamonds in the
world and they are spending $7 Million
on advertising and promotion to notify potential claimants of their
right to file a claim as part of a myriad of lawsuits which began in
2001. Plaintiffs in several states filed lawsuits against
DeBeers in state and federal courts alleging that DeBeers unlawfully
monopolized the supply of diamonds, conspired to fix, raise, and control
diamond prices, and issued false and misleading advertising. DeBeers denies it
violated the law or did anything wrong.
The odds are that you've seen the advertisements, heard the buzz and
seen the show. DeBeers is spending $7 Million to ensure that you
do. A lot of people seem to be wondering what we think about the
settlement because we're in the business and we're supposed to know.
Let's start with the usual legal mumbo-jumbo about how we're not
attorneys; we don't practice law; and our opinion is merely a reflection
of our thoughts on this subject. You should consult the council of
a qualified attorney (so you can spend 45x the money in legal fees than
you have a prayer of recovering in actual damages). That said,
we're happy to announce that we're not in possession of any top secret,
insider trading, crystal ball, or other type of knowledge that makes us
any more knowledgeable about this than you. We do have some
opinions and as you might expect, we think that the settlement is a
joke. No kidding. The lawsuits are real, the proposed
settlement is real, the media circus is real, but we think that all of
the hype about Getting PAID is kind of ridiculous. You're not
about to get 45% back on the price of purgatory (our uneducated opinion,
not based on theory or fact, we're idiots - just ask my fiancé).
There seems to be a lot of hypotheses that the only reason that DeBeers
entertained the idea of settling the lawsuits filed against them for
operating a monopoly, price fixing, etc. is so that they would be able
to open their line of DeBeers Jewelry Stores throughout America.
Is there any validity to this claim? Hold on, we'll find out.
We're picking up the Bat Phone that connects us to the
Underground Diamond Lair in London.
Austin Powers answers the telephone. Really.
Fun Fact: the phone didn't ring, not even once.
We're talking. Imagine. Just imagine. The
possibilities...
"Huh, huh. Yea, yea. Not a clue? Okay, thanks."
Uh, we don't know.
We're flying to London for lunch.
There really is a secret underground lair.
Clue: DeBeers opened their first store in the United
States in June 2006. It is located at 703 Fifth Avenue in
Manhattan. The initial order of settlement proposal was filed with
the court on November 30, 2005. Coincidence? Totally.
Want to hear something really strange? DeBeers didn't invite us to the
party. Not the settlement party. The grand opening party for
their new store. Apparently we're social outcasts.
So how much is this costing DeBeers? We love this question, we get
it all day. This is going to come as a shock to some of you, but
DeBeers CEO Jonathan Oppenheimer has yet to reach out to us to be his
personal confidant, neither has his father Nicky Oppenheimer who is
Chairman of DeBeers. And after we met Nicky Oppenheimer at a party
hosted by Martin Rapaport too! We're hurt, he seemed like a real
cool guy! Seriously, he did. We're not kidding about this.
You know those times when you happen to run into a celebrity and you're
trying really hard not to look like a goof and say something really
stupid like "OMG! I'm your Biggest Lunatic Stalker!"? Well,
we managed not to say that (because we're not stalkers and he has this
really ominous looking security detail) and Nicky Oppenheimer was
completely gracious about our presence which was like, way cool.
We walked away muttering something like "Wow. Who would have
thought a guy that powerful could be so down to earth." It's true.
We feel like we know the guy.
So what was the question? Oh yea, how much is this costing
DeBeers. According to
Diamond
Intelligence magazine DeBeers reported sales of $6.5 Billion in 2006
with the United States accounting for net earnings of $735 Million which
was down $277 Million from 2005. Hey check that out, the net loss
from 2005 to 2006 in net earnings was just a smidge lower than the
agreed upon settlement of $295 Million. "Uh Dad, do you think I
can get a raise in my allowance?" because if we're reading that
financial statement right (and there's a good chance that we aren't)
then we'd like more than a quarter.
We suggest that you visit the
Diamonds
Class Action web site and read the fine print to your hearts
content. It took us about seven minutes to conclude that (1) a
whole lot of people are likely to file claims; and (2) we think that the
Sightholders (cutters) who purchased diamonds direct from DeBeers are
the only party likely to receive anything that resembles the cost of
lunch. It seems that the rest of us are lining up to receive squat
for reasons that will be explained below.
Here is the breakdown of the $295 Million:
$22.5 Million has been set aside for the Direct
Purchaser Class (these entities made purchases direct from DeBeers)
$272.5 Million has been set aside for distribution for the Indirect
Purchaser Class which is divided into two subcategories consisting of
Consumers and Resellers (like ourselves). The proposed division
for the $272M set aside for the Indirect Purchaser Class is:
$135,432,500 for the Consumer Subclass
$137,067,500 for the Reseller Subclass
The first thing that is likely to happen is the attorneys are going to get paid and they are going to be paid out of the settlement amount. There will be deductions for a myriad of administrative and processing fees. Then we suppose there will be the cost of mailing notices back and forth requesting additional documentation, clarification and sophistication of the process. Assuming that at least 135 Million of the 303 Million people living in the United States file a claim because they purchased some form of diamond jewelry, the average settlement amount would be $1.00 as in "One Dollar" that's a buck. A single saw tooth. The cost of a Coke. Wait. Wait for it. Read the fine print and let reality set on in. Question #19 of the Frequently Asked Questions section of the Diamonds Class Action web site states "How much will my payment be?" and the answer is "There is also the possibility that the pro rata computation for some claims will result in payments of under $10.00, which are too small to process because of the administrative cost of distributing checks. Those claimants will not receive any payment." That's legalize for "you're going to get paid squat." Our opinion, nothing more and as you might expect, our opinion doesn't stop there. Since it appears that actual documentation is not required (at this time) for purchases less than $10K what's to stop every Tom, Dick & Harry in the United States from filing a claim? Heck, even the illegal aliens can get in on this one provided that they can get through the online claim form (and they can get a drivers license and register to vote here in the State of Washington once they receive written confirmation of the claim because that document might be interpreted as a legal document with their name on it - no, we're not kidding).
You are eligible to file a claim if you purchased a
diamond between January 1, 1994 through March 31, 2006.
File a Claim Online. Read the Eligibility Requirements and
Instructions carefully. It does not appear that you need a copy of
your sales receipt to file the initial claim if your purchase was less
than ten thousand dollars. We make every reasonable effort to
maintain sales records for our clients and likely have receipts going
back as far as 1996. However those records are in storage, we will
look them up as required. The document recovery fee is $25.00
because we have to dedicate a person to sit in the storage room, dig
deep, and make copies, etc. No warranty or guarantee is made that
we have a copy of your sales receipt on file or that we're going to
actually be able to find it in the Y's when it is supposed to be filed
in the D's. We probably buried the filing clerk under the filing
cabinet, yes, yes we did. Okay, we wanted to bury the filing clerk
(anywhere). We admit it. We're (What? Uh huh, Uh uh.
Oh, okay.) Legal council has advised us that the statement we
didn't make a second ago is purely hypothetical. We've never
considered burying the filing clerk beneath the filing cabinets.
We've never considered harming the filing clerk. We love the
filing clerk. We've always loved the filing clerk. We love
animals too. Wait a second. We don't even have a filing
clerk (because she's buried under the filing cabinet). We've never
had a filing clerk. We're the Flipping Filing Clerk. We're
also the receptionist. The Janitor. We have to make our own
coffee. The attorney is real. Marc (that's the attorney)
tells us stuff like "You guys are idiots, but I love you. Thank
God for the First Amendment. Thank God for Satirical Wit.
You guys are really on the edge. You can't talk about burying
anybody even if it's a joke. You shouldn't even talk about God.
Even if the filing clerk doesn't exist, even if he or she never existed,
you shouldn't talk about burying the filing clerk! Have I made
myself clear? You're going to delete that entire reference off of
the web site, right? You're going to take care of it right now.
Good. I can't believe I have to tell you this kind of stuff."
Don't worry buddy, we took care of it. Immediately.
Click on the Pay Pal "Buy Now" button below to request a copy of your
sales receipt. Use the note section of the Pay Pal payment form to
provide us with your name, telephone number, email address and
approximate date of purchase. Upon receipt of your payment we will
trudge through the storage unit and filing cabinets to try and locate
your receipt. Blow off the dust and email you a PDF of the
document within a few days if your purchase was made between 2001 -
2006. Records for purchases made prior to 2001 are in deep storage
which will take a little longer - as much as two weeks (they're in
Oregon, we're in Washington). We'll refund your payment if we are
unable to locate your sales receipt.
So that's it. Hop on the bus!
File a Claim Online. DeBeers is spending a whopping $7 Million
in quarters to make sure that everybody in America knows that they have
a right to file a claim if they purchased qualifying diamond jewelry
between January 1, 1994 through March 31, 2006. As you can see, we're doing our
part to make sure our clients know all that we know about the
Diamonds Class
Action Settlement - we're not being paid a dime for our efforts, the entertainment is free.
We have time for one more question before the curtain drops.
Anybody? Anybody? You in the back. Yes you, the guy in
the 100% silk, blue cotton, polyester blazer walking out of the room shaking his
head in disgust. What would you like to know?
Are diamonds going to go down in value? Were they overpriced 45%
to begin with? Is the DeBeers store in Manhattan going to be
discounting the price of their diamonds by 45%?" That's three
questions. Three questions, Mr. Late Night.
You don't understand? It's okay, ask a writer for clarification. The answer is that we
don't know. We doubt it. We don't have a clue. The truth may be found
somewhere between the lines. We suggest that you look for the
truth here: DeBeers denies any wrong doing and does not believe that it
violated any laws. Yes of course, we'll be happy to explain all of
this on the show. We'll even write the script and swear under oath
that we didn't. Good Night America.
May we help you find the diamond of your dreams?
Send us an email diamonds@niceice.com
and tell us what you are looking for.
Or give us a call at 206.319.8152 or Toll Free 877.844.5443
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